by admin on August 14th, 2011

Hello. Site administrator Cass Umtak here.

This is terrible, terrible news. Flint Driscoll has been abducted by Al Qaeda/Taliban elements and now faces death if we cannot find a way to save him. I am appealing to all readers of this blog to come together in a mass campaign to have him freed. I myself would be greatly honored to spearhead the effort to save this great man from the doom he now faces, doubtless with all the courage which we would expect from him. Unfortunately, I have just been recruited by some people sympathetic to the Bachmann campaign to help devise some viral attack strategies, so I won’t be able to do it. But if anyone else out there would like to step up for the big guy, contact me here at I’ll keep an eye on the site from time to time, work permitting.

God bless you all. Cass Umtak.

by Flint Driscoll on August 28th, 2011

From my window, I can see a garden… bright with flowers. Such lovely, gracile tulips… The Persians brought them here, with their poetry, and their light… It is Fall already in the high passes, and the smell of crisp poplar leaves melds with the wood-smoke on the fresh mountain air… Such simple graces. I feel I understand so much more now, insh’Allah. These people have taught me so much… And I too will have much to teach them.

I am moved by fancies that are curled
Around these images and cling,
The notion of some infinitely gentle,
Infinitely suffering thing.
Wipe your hand across your mouth and laugh:
The worlds revolve like ancient women,
Gathering fuel from vacant lots.

Death to the West! Slaughter all the pigs! Cut their throats and hang them by the heels! Allahu Akbar!

Cass, could you go by my house and check the mail box? Plus, I left a lot of dairy in the fridge, and it should be getting pretty gross by now.

Abdullah Mohammed Salah al’Din (Formerly, Flint Driscoll)






by admin on December 5th, 2011

Great news, everyone! Flint has been rescued from the Taliban by US forces operating in north-eastern Afghanistan! It’s not official yet, but a couple of my go-to money guys on the Bachmann campaign, who are on secondment from Kellog Brown and Root, told me the good news off the record! Seems they got it direct from some other KBR guys who do some part-time wet work in the Khyber Agency, a couple of weekends a month.

Apparently, the Pentagon wants to keep a lid on the rescue for the time being, presumably so they can spin it so’s President Barak Hussein Osama gets all the glory. Flint is currently recuperating at an undisclosed offshore location, with the Democrats using the need to “debrief” him as a pretext for the delay in bringing him home.

Flint (left) chats with his American rescuers.

Anyhoo, what I can tell you for now is that Flint was rescued by a crack US Provincial Reconstruction Team in Kunar province, only a couple of kilometers from the border with the Pakistani tribal areas. The team was on a hearts and minds mission, handing out Christmas cards, hot dogs and Beyoncé merch to the local goatherds, when they found Flint hiding alone in a pit latrine.

Flint had cunningly disguised himself as a typical Afghan farmer/terrorist, complete with beard and AK47, in order to infiltrate the Al Qaeda command structure. So convincing was his disguise, and his mutters of “Death to the West”, that his rescuers gave him a stout beating before they  began to suspect that the man calling himself  Abdullah Saladin – doubtless hoping to maintain his cover, and continue his daring operation  – might in fact be Flint Driscoll, the celebrated US security affairs blogger who went missing in Waziristan five months ago.

To be on the safe side, they continued the beating, but were finally persuaded to run some checks when they discovered that the prisoner’s rifle was not loaded and that someone had removed its firing pin – presumably Flint had done so himself, to eliminate any risk of “blue-on-blue” friendly fire incidents. Also, the prisoner seemed to speak little Pushtu apart from a few extremist Islamic slogans, but he was heard to whimper to himself in American English.

The coalition forces took Flint back to their base where, after some more enhanced debriefing, he finally broke cover. It seems that Flint had successfully ingratiated himself with his original Taliban abductors but that, after several months embedded with them, he had awoken one morning to find that they and the entire population of their village, and their herd animals, had mysteriously sneaked off in the night. Abandoned alone on a freezing mountainside, Flint had to fall back on his extensive survival training. The next day, disoriented by hunger, cold and exhaustion, and maddened by isolation, he sought refuge in the pit latrine, where the US forces found him two days later.

I can’t tell you how pleased I am to be able to share this great news with anybody who might still be reading this blog! My information might be a little out of date by now – I actually heard a few days back, but I’ve been so busy with designing my Bachmann attack spots that I couldn’t find time to log on to (it would help if the big lunk had set up a direct debit for me – his checks stopped coming when the terrorists grabbed him in July!).

Anyway, let’s all rejoice that one of the stoutest defenders of global freedom is once again safe in US military hands! Better yet, his rescue comes just a few days before his 45th birthday, which takes place on Thursday or Friday this week, I forget which. You can probably look it up somewhere.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Cass Umtak (web admin,



by admin on January 16th, 2012

My fellow blow-backers.

It is with a heavy heart that I, Cass Umtak, former administrator of, address you today. I have just received information that both chills me and sickens me: Flint Driscoll, our beloved former comrade, leader and – yes, inspiration – has been unmasked as a traitor, a terrorist and a hater of the very freedoms that he once taught us to hold dear.

According to the Department of Homeland Security, Driscoll has for five weeks now been secretly held for interrogation in the federal government’s extra-territorial anti-terrorism facility in Guantanamo Bay, free Cuba.

Flint Driscoll, photographed this week in the recreation yard at Guantanamo

It seems that contrary to my last posting here, on December 5th, Driscoll was not rescued by American special forces in Afghanistan last month, but was instead captured by them. Far from being the investigative reporter, analyst and philosopher  that we took him for, a great wind of truth in the war against Islamo-fascism, it seems that Driscoll – or Abdullah Mohammed Salah al’Din, to give him his real name – was a deep penetration sleeper agent in the service of Al Qaeda, Iran, the French intelligence service and the global warming conspiracy. Like the traitor John Walker Lindh, he made his way to Afghanistan as an enemy combatant, with the cold-blooded intention of allying himself with the forces of evil that are ranged there against us our brave boys and women.

I know that this will be a hard blow for all of us. And many of you will be tempted to seek comfort in denial: why should we believe what the Obama regime and its Pentagon stooges have to say about Driscoll, when they have lied to us about so much else – Obama’s birthplace, the death panels for senior citizens, evolution, the 1992 World Series, UN black helicopters, the presence of captured Canadians at Area 51? We can’t trust a word these people say to us.

True. But when a US soldier, intelligence agent, Fox reporter or immigration official tells us that somebody is a Muslim terrorist and/or communist then it is our duty to accept that, and join together in patriotic hatred of that person, and anyone who seeks to defend  or excuse them: this is the American way.

Rot in hell, Flint Driscoll. You better hope they never let you out of Gitmo, because if you show your face round these parts again, we’re going to have us a lynching. Although obviously not the old-fashioned, discredited anti-negro type of lynching. That would be wrong. Instead, we are going to lynch Flint Driscoll. If he ever comes back here.

Signing off for the last time (I’m not even getting’ paid for this – just sayin’!)


Cass Umtak